


not with you

by oMUSEo



Series: not with you [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 15:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11831340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oMUSEo/pseuds/oMUSEo
Summary: "I'm always scared," Ryan whispers, afraid that if he speaks too loud the moment will be ruined and Shane will wake up and realize he's been hallucinating. That he should go back to his girlfriend who smiles like sunshine and likes her coffee the same way he does because Ryan is just unlucky when it comes to love.Or when two dorks love each other and don't know how to act.





	not with you

Ryan stares at the computer screen in front of him, trying to find the willpower to focus on the little squares of videos segments and organize them into a cohesive and interesting video on a haunted ice cream parlor filled with clown figurines for the new Buzzfeed Unsolved video. 

Which really shouldn't be too hard.

Or wouldn't be if he could focus. The little Ryan in his head tried valiantly to corral his wandering mind, but it simply dragged him along to thoughts of his companion seated in the desk space adjacent to his own, trying desperately to figure out what had changed in the last few weeks. It was subtle at first, easily attributed to lack of sleep or stress, but eventually, as it dragged on, it became glaringly obvious that Shane was trying to avoid him. They still filmed together and worked in the same office, but Ryan could easily forget Shane was even there or that they even had a good working relationship. Some days, Shane didn't even look at him. It felt as if he was trying to interact with Ryan as little as possible, which in turn, made what little interaction they had tense and forced. Eventually, Ryan had simply forgone any attempt at conversation and let Shane lead any banter they might have both off and on camera. 

He sighs and steals a look at Shane, whose face was dangerously close the the screen of his laptop despite his glasses. He had his bottom lip tucked firmly underneath his teeth in concentration as he edited the videos for the True Crime series. His glasses hung precariously from the bridge of his nose in a messy yet endearing way that made Ryan stomach constrict. This was normal, much to Ryan's satisfaction and disappointment, but the earbuds tucked snugly into his ear was a newly formed habit. Usually, they would spend there time talking over just about anything ranging from their current video to what the other wanted to eat for dinner, most of the conversation easily forgotten and free-flowing. Those conversation alone were enough to make work enjoyable. Ryan turns back towards his screen and ends up looking at the empty space above his laptop. 

It just didn't make sense. The only major event to happened recently was his break from Helen and Shane's from Sara shortly after, but unlike Ryan, Shane had taken it well. Or at least seemed to. He didn't share the particulars of the break up, and Ryan didn't pry, but he made it seem mutual. He and Sara even still went out for coffee every once and while, coming back chatting and smiling like they had never dated; or never split even. Ryan had been envious of that, because Helen wouldn't even talk to him anymore, convinced that he was cheating on her with someone from the office. And no matter how many times he brought her over to meet the people he worked with, she could not be placated. Until finally she packed up her stuff and left. 

But between him and Shane, it had been fairly normal. They've gone to two new locations in New Mexico, which had been a doozy, but nothing to out of the ordinary. Ryan got locked in a room and got scared, of course. Shane laughed at him and said ghost weren't real. They joked, and threw harmless insults at each, all the while supporting each other's beliefs fully. It was probably most supportive and uplifting Ryan had ever had with another person. He really felt like he could tell Shane anything. Or could have. 

He tried not to dwell on it too much rubbing his eyes into the base of his palm groaning outwardly; expecting Shane to still have his headphones on. Instead, he felt a large hand run their fingers through the side of his hair and tousle the strands, drawing a surprised grunt from his lips.

Shane stares down at him, messenger bag wrapped across his body and his head titled to the side in silent question. 

"You okay man?" He asks. His hand lingered on the side of Ryan's head and he felt his face heat at the weirdly intimate contact. 

"Um yeah," Ryan started, trying to get him tongue to cooperate in his mouth. Shane, realizing himself, suddenly pulls his hand away and stuffs it in his pocket and shuffles on his feet before continuing 

"You sure? You kind of spaced out for a while there," he laughs, "it was kind of creepy watching you stare deeply into the depth of your black screen of your now dead laptop" 

Ryan's blush deepens and he stammers out some lazy excuse about needing sleep and having a lot on his mind, hoping that Shane will choose to ignore the creeping blush the heat he feels on his cheeks suggests 

Shane nods knowingly before clearing his throat and pointing towards the exit. 

"Okay, well I gonna go. You know, long day tomorrow. Flights and all that" he turns to walk towards the door and looks back before adding 

"But call me if you need anything alright? Don't want to ruin your cute boyish features with all that stress" 

Ryan laughs and waves Shane goodbye, eyeing the door for a few second longer than necessary after he closed it. He brings his hand up and his fingers skates across the skin that Shane had touched. He quickly packs up his things and bolts out the door, pointedly ignoring the banging in his chest. Blaming it on the sudden need to rush home. 

 

They had a flight to catch in the morning and it be better if he weren't late. 

 

. . . . . 

 

They arrive at the house early in the morning, it's been city owned ever since the disappearance of the previous owners. It was a family home with two stories, more windows than necessary, and a front yard that's looks more like a precursor to a forest than anything else. The outside walls are painted pink, but the once vibrant color has faded down to a faint blush. The house it self looked like a ghost. An eerie replica of what it should have been. 

Shane whistles as they walk through the front door and casts a wary glance at the ceiling as if it were going to collapse on them any moment. 

"This place has seen better days," he comments dryly and Ryan nods in response while his eyes are trained on watching each open corridor as they pass by. The inside furniture seem almost like it has been preserved by the dust that lightly covered the surfaces. It was almost as if whoever had lived her last could come back, and , after a lot of dusting, continue their daily routine without a hitch. 

They eventually make it to a well lit study-type room with a couch and set up the cameras. Shane takes a seat on the couch, the side of his arm pressed against the old terse fabric of couch, leaving Ryan more room than necessary. The cameraman, Steve, notices the odd position and shoots Ryan a confused glance but, receives no explanation. He just shrugs and takes a seat on the couch as well, sitting dead center on the cushion ,leaving space between him and the other man without making it as obvious as Shane had done. 

Ryan gives an overview of the house's history, citing the many mysterious disappearance of almost all the former residence before the house became property of the city. 

"If everyone disappears how are there any ghosts," Shane interjects looking at Ryan for the first time since they sat down. 

"Well," Ryan starts thoughtfully, "I mean these people are never found after they start living in this house. So, they very well could have died in the house."

"So, it's a MAYBE haunted house. But also possible everyone just took one look at this decrypt house an decided to leave."

"And never be seen again"

"I mean that doesn't mean the house is haunted."

"But the house is the only constant!" Ryan argues, "All these people go missing after living in this house and are never found"

"Well, maybe they didn't look hard enough. People go missing and are never found everyday," Shane tosses back and Ryan wheezes. 

"This is true. But you gotta admit this is a very concentrated sample and it is weird that EVERY resident but a handful has disappeared from this home."

Shane shrugs and nods in agreement before allowing Ryan to finish his summary of the house's past tenants. And the list is long. There have been over twenty different owners of this house the last fifty years and only six of them are considered alive. And of those six, zero of them agreed to come to the house and all of them told horrible stories of growls in the middle of the night and coming home during the day to random rooms in the house completely destroyed. There was nothing missing, everything was just thrown and strewn across the floor. One woman said she came home to find a trail of her daughters toys, destroyed, leading towards the basement of the house. She moved out the next day. 

"Now that's just rude," Shane mentions , drawing a confused look from Ryan, "How dare they blame the ghosts because they can't keep their house clean."

Ryan busts out laughing with Shane joining him shortly after, both of them taking turns creating different scenarios that they can blame on ghosts. 

"Honey, did you put the dishes in the sink?"

"No! It must be ghosts"

"Who knocked over my vase"

"Uh...the ghosts?"

"Billy why is your room a mess!"

"I swear I cleaned it mom! It must be a demon!"

They both laugh until their stomachs begin to hurt and Ryan is stuck wheezing. They get their breathing under control and Ryan almost thinks that he made up the last few awkward weeks. Then, the cameraman signals that it's time for a break and turns the camera off. The two men on the couch go pin drop silent and Ryan can feel Shane's gaze on the side of his face. He turns to face him, their eyes meeting for just a second before Shane clears and throat and pushes off the couch.

"Potty break," he says and quickly exits into another room, leaving a confused Ryan and Steve behind. 

"Um..." Steve starts, "is everything okay with you guys?"

Ryan just sighs and shrugs his shoulder in response, getting a sympathetic smile from his companion. Steve places a hand in Ryan shoulders and gives a slight squeeze just as Shane walks back in. 

He gives the two men a discerning look before taking his spot back on the couch, pulling out his phone and staring intensely at it. They both shrug it off and Steve leaves to get an extra memory card, just in case.

Ryan retakes his seat on the couch and begins looking over his notes when Shane clears his throat, drawing Ryan's attention. 

"I didn't know you and Steve were buddies," he mentions, his voice strangely leveled and calm. 

"We gone out for a drinks a few times, " Ryan replies, unsure of what Shane was trying to get at. 

Shane replies with a soft "oh", but nothing more, dipping them into an awkward silence until Steve returns; he jumbles loudly through living room entryway and explains what his plans are, leaving Shane and Ryan to explore the house on their own for a bit before rejoining them. 

...

They begin to explore the house together as usual, but Shane is uncharacteristically close, a stark contrast to his recent behavior. Ryan looks over his shoulder and see Shane watching more of him than filming the room.

"Hey, do you wanna get a shot of the room across the hall," he suggests and Shane gives him an odd look and takes a glance at the room, trying to find the words to say.

"Yeah," he says slowly, "just stay here." 

And he walks towards the room providing some commentary that Ryan can't decipher. 

"I'm not a kid y'know!" Ryan shouts as he passes through the door, drawing a laugh from the older man. 

Ryan starts his own investigation in the bedroom that he is in, the master bedroom, which, to no ones surprise, is one of the most active rooms of the house. He stands facing the bed and slowly pivots to scan the entire space. Everything smelled old; the kind of scent you would smell in your grandmothers room- with a layer of dust added for good measure. The walls were painted a soft blue that matched the blue paisley print on the bed sheet. On the left side of the room, there was door that led to the bathroom and on the right, the wall was adorned with two large windows--the drapes containing large holes, probably from moths. He steps carefully across the carpet, unsure about the stability of the floorboards beneath, to examine the pictures on the wall; they are covered with pictures of a young couple, probably no older than Ryan themselves. A knot forms in his stomach as he scans the wall stopping at the last picture on the wall. Their first day in the house. They look so excited and so unsuspecting. He couldn't help but wonder what happened to them, and be hopeful it wasn't one of the tragic scenarios his mind was conjuring.

He reaches forward and presses his fingertips against the dirty glass. The picture sways and the thin wire holding it up snaps, causing the frame to fall to the floor and shatter. Ryan yelps and hops back, losing his footing, and falls. 

"Ryan!"

Shane burst into the room and rushes to Ryan on the floor.

"Dude? What happened?" He asks, the worry evident in his voice. Ryan blushes and accepts his offered hand. Why did this always happen to him?

"I'm fine, " Ryan stammers, " I just...um...dropped a picture frame and got scared?"

Shane quirks an eyebrow up and an amused smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. 

"What?" The shorter man asks, brushing imagined dirt off his pants just to be safe.

"You mean, it wasn't ghosts that scared you" Shane laughs, "It was good old human clumsiness?" He ends with a wink. 

Ryan's bush deepens and mumbles an annoyed "Shut up, Shane" before exiting the room. Even though he knew it was for the camer--

Oh damn.

Ryan does a full 180 degree turn and rushes back into the room. How could he forget his camera? 

He steps through the door way and slams straight into something firm--That something being Shane-- and topples them over. Ryan's frozen in shock. They end up pressed chest to chest with Ryan cradled in between Shane's thighs and his hands firm onto his waist. Ryan's mind zeros in on the points of contact and register the warmth coming from the other mans body. Shane mouth is adjacent to his neck, close enough to feel the wet warmth of his breath. It makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and Ryan tries desparetly not to shiver. 

He quickly pulls away and scrambles to right himself. Shane waits patiently, while Ryan tries to figures himself out, before simply getting up and watching as the younger man awkwardly shuffles into the room, grabs his camera, and runs back out into the hallway; mumbling his apology

. . .

The rest of their day was spent recording with Steve, while Ryan tried keep his mind from going back to moment when he had fallen onto Shane. It was so much more vivid than he wanted it to be. He could remember how warm Shane was and the scorching feeling of his hands on his waist. It had lasted only a second but it had felt like forever. It made him blush just thinking about it. 

Eventually, after a long day, night falls and Shane and himself end up back in the master bedroom to conclude their investigation. 

Sharing the bed. 

It had been Steve's idea. He had thought maybe the demon had a thing for couples and since the last couples had been two men, it might trigger something. Ryan panicked, internally of course, but Shane agreed in his usual manner before he could even get his protest out. It wasn't that they had never shared a bed before, just never after Ryan spent a whole day thinking about Shane's hands and the way they felt. 

And if Ryan were being honest, it wasn't exactly a new feeling, but it still wasn't one he was accustomed to. It was one that he spent more time burying underneath "no homo" bro time and a lot of documentaries that kept his mind busy. 

He climbs into bed and listens as Shane finishes setting up the camera, softly pads around the room in his socks, and finally as the bed creaks, giving in to Shane's long body. It was ridiculous. They were a separated by a good few inches, but he felt his face heat up. Ryan wondered if Shane was facing towards the center of the bed or towards the wall, but he was to nervous to turn around and check. 

Then, it happened. The air in front of Ryan stilled and froze, causing him to suck in a breath and hold it in his chest. Then, emerging from one corner of the room, a black edgeless shape detaches itself from the shadows and glides across the room to the opposite wall. It casts a shadow in front of the moonlight drapes and though there was no face, Ryan could feel the eyes watching them. He tests his fingers for movement and when they curl around the white bed sheets he flips his body quickly and slides his body closer to the mass of warmth next to him. Shane jumps at the contact, but doesn't pull away. Instead, he gingerly wraps his arm around the smaller man, his finger threaded through Ryan's hair, and cradles the back of his head comfortably. 

"Ry," he asks, the sleep ready scratching at his voice, "Are you okay?"

Ryan nods quickly in the negative, then in the affirmative, then shrugs, not quite trusting his voice to do anything but cry yet. Shane seems to accept that answer but mumbles something about the morning before settling in and quickly falling asleep. Ryan joins him soon after, calmed by the rise and fall of the taller mans chest. 

. . . 

Ryan wakes, fully expecting to wake before Shane, as usual, and enjoy a few more minutes of cuddling into the other man while lucid before it became awkward. But, instead, he was pressed flat against the sheets, blanket thrown over his body. He shifted and lifted his upper body to find Shane sitting in the armchair next to the dresser. He looks deep in thought and it takes a few moments before he even registers that Ryan was awake. 

"Shane?" Ryan starts and receives a sigh in response. 

"Why," he starts but shakes his head and drags his hands down his face, "just...I can't...if" 

Ryan sits up, and gives Shane his full attention. Unsure of how to support him as he tries to find the words to say. 

"Just don't do that again," Shane says flatly and leaves the room. 

Ryan watches the door and sit in bed blinking, trying to process what just happened. He had to have meant the cuddling, but he didn't seem opposed to it as it were happening. Unless, Ryan had said something in his sleep or Shane had realized his crush for him and was trying to let him know it wasn't mutual. His head started to spin with possibilities and he found himself in autopilot, getting dressed and filming an outro for the episode. 

He gots into the car, but instead of sitting shotgun with Shane he sat in the back, leaving Steve the passenger seat.

And it was awkward. 

Poor Steve looked around nervously, trying to find the answers in one of their faces but Shane focused on the road and remained stoic and Ryan was still drowning in his negative feelings and embarrassment.

This scene played out through the airport and the plan ride and on the ride back to the office. 

Until Ryan became angry. 

Now, he wasn't entirely sure what he was angry about. But, he was sure it was Shane's fault because Shane was the one who was trying to cut him off for no reason and it was Shane who scolded him after participating in the late night cuddles. (Not mention he was warm, how dare he.) It was Shane who coddled him and always came running in the room like a knight whenever Ryan screamed. It was Shane who told bad jokes that Ryan couldn't help but laugh at and it was Shane who had a dopey smile the made Ryan melt. 

And Shane was just so stupid. So, with a sudden burst of confidence, Ryan whips around as they entered their shared office to drop off their equipment and glares at the taller man 

And starts crying. 

"Why do you hate me!" He shouts, standing dead center in their office with his fist clenched in front of Shane, refusing to move and wipe the tears of his eyes. The taller man just stares at him, mouth agape, like he's not sure which problem to tackle first. 

"Ryan," he sighs, "I don't hate you." He says calmly like he's trying to soothe a toddler and it just makes Ryan angrier.

"Then why," he asks garbled and gesturing towards the air in front of them. Unable to find the words to explain the situation or how he was feeling at the moment (See: abandoned, embarrassed). 

When Shane doesn't even look at him, let alone answer. The pictures comes across clearer and he deflates. 

"Look, I get it," Ryan sighs, while wiping his face "I mean, only kind of, but I understand I did something to upset you. We can just forget everything and just have a working relationship. We only have to interact on camera anyway"

 

"No, Ryan," Shane sighs, looking stressed, "You don't understand"

"Then help me!" Ryan all but yelled, eyes searching for some kind of answer in Shane weathered but guarded features, "I'm losing my best friend and I don't know why"

Shane remains silent, refusing to look Ryan in the eyes. The lights in the office building dim on schedule and the darker haired man sighs and makes a grab for his backpack seated on his chair. He feels Shane's hand wrap tightly around his wrist and he pulls it away roughly. He didn't have the energy for this anymore. If he wanted to stay silent and make this difficult, he could do it on his own time. 

"Actually, I think it's better if we just take a break from each other," Ryan says coldly, "Obviously there are some things to work out and we have enough footage to last a few weeks, so starting tomorrow I'll move back to my o-"

"I was scared okay!" Shane shouts, causing Ryan to take a step back, recoiling from the volume of his voice. 

"I was scared," he repeats, barely above a whisper. Ryan watches as Shane scratch the back of his head roughly. The frustration made his movements jagged and his muscle visibly tense.

"Yo-" Ryan's starts before Shane cuts in;

"When you got trapped in the room and you were screaming and I couldn't find you. I was scared" 

Ryan digs through his mind, trying to understand what he's talking about. The only time he had been trapped in a room was in the first location after his break up with Helen. He and Shane had decided to split up since the house was small and when he walked in the room, he had closed the door too roughly behind him causing a piece of the door jamb to fall on the outside of the door and lock him in. At the time, he had been so scared out of his mind that he had called out to Shane like he was dying. In the end, It felt like any other episode but he did remember the warm feeling of Shane's hands on his face after they finally go him out. And the almost panicked look in his eyes before he called Ryan his own personal "damsel in distress." 

"And it's SO stupid," Shane continues, "Because I KNEW the house was small and the number of places you could have been was so small and if I had taken a moment to stop and listen I would have heard you in that room. But I didn't because I was so scared."

"Shane. It's o-"

"No Ryan you still don't understand." He pleads," I don't get scared. I rationalize, and I think through my problems. but, all I could think about was how STUPID I was to let you go off by yourself and then I was mad at myself and I needed space to think about why I was so mad. And that's why okay. I needed space to work," Shane gestures wildly to the entire room and then to his head, " all of this out" 

 

Ryan stays still trying to wrap his mind around what Shane is trying to say. Because he's trying to say SOMETHING and it's not being said. 

"And the other night in bed, I thought you knew and I thought you were just trying to be nice and..." he trails off, suddenly looking half his size. 

"Ryan, I " he pleads one more time, voice breaking towards the end 

And it clicks. 

"You were scared." Ryan breathes. There's an unspoken 'that you would lose me' and Shane nods in response, shoulder deflating with the breath he had been holding. The shorter man takes a slow step to Shane and places his hand on his face and watches as his feature smooth over and head tilts into the warmth of his palm. 

"I'm always scared," Ryan whispers, afraid that if he speaks too loud the moment will be ruined and Shane will wake up and realize he's been hallucinating. That he should go back to his girlfriend who smiles like sunshine and likes her coffee the same way he does because Ryan is just unlucky when it comes to love. 

But Shane's lips curl up a little at the edge and nervous chuckle slips through his lips before Ryan continues,

"But not when I'm with you"

And just like that their lips are touching and moving together. Shane's lips are slightly chapped and dry and Ryan's breath probably taste like airplane nuts, but neither of them seem to mind. Shane's hands come up to Ryan's shoulders and gently pushes him away. 

"Ryan, I really need you to be sure," he speaks quickly, like he needs to get it out before his mind catches up with him, "I can't do this with you if you aren't sure. I can-"

Ryan grabs his hand tightly and brings it up to his face, closing his eyes as he presses a kiss to the knuckles.

"I'm sure" he smiles and makes a mental note to check the office cameras, because the shit-faced grin that spreads across Shane face is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. And if he wasn't 100% sure before, he was now. And if he had missed anything in the first kiss the second one was just as perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> There's not enough fics here so I thought I'd contribute
> 
> I might add more later, if I figure out WHAT I would want to add


End file.
